My family 1972: (back row l-r) Don, Dad, Mike (front row l-r) Carla, Mom, Jeff
Twenty five years ago today my Dad & oldest brother, Mike, passed away in a small plane crash. My dad was 41 years old and my brother was only 23 years old. Each year, around this time, I find myself thinking about them; my memories of them and wonder how things would've been different were they still with us. This year I especially miss them for some reason.
The older I get the more I realize that my limited memories of them are inconclusive of the people they really were, and I find myself wishing I knew them better. How would they feel about me as an adult? What would they think of my children? Also, the older I get, the more I rely on and appreciate stories, about them, from those who did know them better & spent more time with them, and I have to trust that they're accurate.
According to my mom, my dad was charming, a talented singer, personable & could talk a drowning man into having a glass of water. According to my uncle, my dad loved his family and had a testimony of the gospel... at one point, but also had a weakness of the flesh & for material things. I've heard stories of the fun things my dad would do; projects he would make, outings to the sand dunes with the boys, and his wonderful taste in all kinds of music. I've also heard stories about how my dad was too hard, too often on my brothers. Even I have a couple memories, from my very young childhood, of my dad losing his temper & spanking me and me left feeling bewildered. Of course I have plenty good memories as well; the two of us watching Saturday morning cartoons, him tickling me, us making crafts together & kissing his moustache when he had to leave or had just got home. To me he was just my dad--the bearer of flocked Christmas trees, the singer of Elvis songs and the builder of snow caves.
My brother was, by all accounts, a very talented pianist. He was musical and artistic and loved beauty. He was sensitive, sometimes too much so. He had a hard life in his short 23 years and made some poor choices that made it even harder. But he loved people and to serve and make friends.
Now that I'm a parent, and realize all too well how easy it is to take my loved ones for granted from time to time, or to occasionally take out my frustrations on them, I'm left to draw only one conclusion about who my dad really was. He was human. Not some super hero or mega-ultra-dad with perfect character traits. Sometimes it's easy to glorify someone when they're gone & no longer in our presence every day to remind us of their flaws. He was human. He gave, but he also took. He sang, but he also yelled. He was selfless, but also selfish....like the rest of us.
So, would things have been better if they were still with us? I don't know. I trust that Heavenly Father knows the answer to that question and that either way He wants us to be happy... on earth and in heaven.
The older I get the more I realize that my limited memories of them are inconclusive of the people they really were, and I find myself wishing I knew them better. How would they feel about me as an adult? What would they think of my children? Also, the older I get, the more I rely on and appreciate stories, about them, from those who did know them better & spent more time with them, and I have to trust that they're accurate.
According to my mom, my dad was charming, a talented singer, personable & could talk a drowning man into having a glass of water. According to my uncle, my dad loved his family and had a testimony of the gospel... at one point, but also had a weakness of the flesh & for material things. I've heard stories of the fun things my dad would do; projects he would make, outings to the sand dunes with the boys, and his wonderful taste in all kinds of music. I've also heard stories about how my dad was too hard, too often on my brothers. Even I have a couple memories, from my very young childhood, of my dad losing his temper & spanking me and me left feeling bewildered. Of course I have plenty good memories as well; the two of us watching Saturday morning cartoons, him tickling me, us making crafts together & kissing his moustache when he had to leave or had just got home. To me he was just my dad--the bearer of flocked Christmas trees, the singer of Elvis songs and the builder of snow caves.
My brother was, by all accounts, a very talented pianist. He was musical and artistic and loved beauty. He was sensitive, sometimes too much so. He had a hard life in his short 23 years and made some poor choices that made it even harder. But he loved people and to serve and make friends.
Now that I'm a parent, and realize all too well how easy it is to take my loved ones for granted from time to time, or to occasionally take out my frustrations on them, I'm left to draw only one conclusion about who my dad really was. He was human. Not some super hero or mega-ultra-dad with perfect character traits. Sometimes it's easy to glorify someone when they're gone & no longer in our presence every day to remind us of their flaws. He was human. He gave, but he also took. He sang, but he also yelled. He was selfless, but also selfish....like the rest of us.
So, would things have been better if they were still with us? I don't know. I trust that Heavenly Father knows the answer to that question and that either way He wants us to be happy... on earth and in heaven.
4 comments:
That's what people are, ultimately, aren't they, a conglomeration of the good and the not-so-good, and yet we can love them all the same? A shame they had to go from this earth so early. What a bittersweet recollection of people who'd have been interesting to get to know.
I remember that your Dad had passed away, but I did not know that your brother did at the same time.
You also want your children to know about their Grandpa and Uncle that they will never know in this life. My husband's mom passed away two years ago and he wants to make sure they know who she was. Sometimes I think it is a little easier to tell them the good and omit the bad...I do know that the gospel has brought comfort many times when my relatives and friends have passed away.
I love that family picture!
Carla,
Wow, this really touched me. Sadly, I didn't realize it had been 25 years already. I do wish they were still here to allow their family members to work through their relationships with them. Jeff has struggled with this and I think by now, they would have been able to come to terms with their father/son relationship. Maybe it's the eternal optimist in me but time, maturity and life in general often come together to heal old wounds and give you a different perspective on things.
You really were able to verbalize the feelings behind losing someone too soon-that elusive feeling of knowing them through someone else and wishing you knew them through your own relationship with them.
I do know this, they would have been fiercely proud of the woman you've become: the integrity in all you do, the seriousness with which you take your role as mother and educator, the loyalty you have to the values you hold dear even in the face of critics and especially the fun, wry sense of humor that always makes me laugh and think at the same time. Just as Jeff and I are proud of you so would be your father and your brother.
Love you sis, Felicia
BarB said...
Loved your story and picture of your Dad and family....and also Felicia's comments were so good. And the older you get, the more you will think about reunions with those who have left us. Sometimes I think it will take a different world to bring a lot of us back together.
5:57 PM
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