this week's soundtrack

There's been a lot going on in my life lately. I could make a list, but it's all relative anyway, right? Fine. Here's just a quick taste: Four church callings (all in Relief Society), homeschooling at least 3 hours a day plus fieldtrips, Educator's meetings (of which I was just voted in as Secretary to the committee), home remodeling and Emma (need I say more?). I mean, I'm not overwhelmed, and I'm definitely not as busy as I've been at times, but a lot of it's new ground and it still leaves my head spinning. I'm not complaining either because I created it. But for some reason when I have this many pokers in the fire, and I feel spread thin, I feel very vulnerable. Thin, like y'all can see right through me. So I guard myself more, check myself twice (Santa ought to be happy) and proceed with caution.

However, I was reading a blog, via my friend Jamie's blog, from this lady who is very witty. In a post she articulated exactly how I've been feeling. She likened being vulnerable to the Velveteen Rabbit, and how it's only after he gets all the fur rubbed off that he becomes "real". And then a couple days later I heard the song Breathe (2 am) by Anna Nalick on the radio, and the last verse really spoke to me.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.


Somehow, with all that is going on, I need to find time to start exercising again. I was really, really good there for about 7 months, but then I don't know what happened. The other day Felicia and I attended a seminar/luncheon, and the topic was about non-pharmaceutical ways to combat depression. (No, Mom, I'm not depressed.)

Even though we were there mostly for the free lunch (heh), the research was interesting. In Utah 16-20% of people are on some form of Anti-depressant drug. It's no wonder with the "tribal mentality" gotta-be-perfect-Mollie-Mormon-pressure. However, the doctor told of a study done on 3 focus groups: 1-drugs only, 2-exercise only and 3-both. The results were that exercise only was equal in effectiveness to the group that had both, at 6 months testing and at 1 year testing. The "drugs only" group was significantly lower each testing.

Okay, I'm not Tom Cruise here --jumping on couches-- and arguing against drugs, I just thought it was interesting. And knowing this, I need to get my butt in gear! Maybe while I'm running on the treadmill, getting winded and huffing and puffing I'll learn how to breathe.