Christmas morning

You know how some years you try to have a perfect Christmas, but despite your best efforts something is lacking (sleep, batteries, an ingredient) and what you end up with instead is a headache and feeling frazzled? This year that did not happen. This year Christmas Eve and Christmas day were perfect. After a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner at my brother's house we came home and decorated cookies for Santa Claus, gave the girls a bath and then had them open their pajama-present. We then read one of our new Christmas books and tucked our girls into bed.

Then, in the middle of the night, Santa came.

Sarah and Emma woke up first, around 7:30, ran to get their stockings then woke up Morgan. When they walked into the front room their faces lit up and they squealed like only little girls can. They each took turns unwrapping their gifts and they were simply adorable in their reactions. After the unwrapping we ate our traditional breakfast of quiche, cinnamon rolls, bananas and orange juice. The rest of the day was spent lazing around in our pajamas enjoying our toys and each other's company. Lovely.


I must remember this in the future--when the kids are pushing my buttons--how thoughtful Sarah was to watch over her sisters and make sure they were having fun. How Emma hand-made each of her gifts to her family members that included acts of service and how Morgan wouldn't stop hugging our legs all day long. The joy & peace that we experienced was perhaps the best Christmas gift of all! I hope you all had an equally great Christmas.

We happened to snap this photo after Santa came late on Christmas Eve. The giant dollhouse is a big hit with their Barbies.

Sarah opening her T-Rex model. This child is a scientist through and through.

Emma opening her Little Pet Shop palace.

Little miss Morgan opening her doll. Yes, that's a bandaid on her forehead (that's what happens when you try to take candy from a baby).

Gene opening his Wii gaming system (that we are ALL enjoying).

I got Gene an indoor sky-diving gift certificate. He's all about activities.

(He got me a Bamboo, clothes and sewing accessories among other things, but my early morning mug broke the lens and there will be no pics of me here.)

Our festive Christmas breakfast table complete with quiche, cinnamon rolls, OJ and milk.

Morgan playing with her Little People mini-van...

...and her Aqua Doodle wall pad.

Emma, Sarah and Morgan playing with their Diamond Castle Barbies and their new dollhouse.

Of course their enthusiasm would wax and wane throughout the day with a particular toy as they would switch back and forth between their games, gadgets, the Wii, dolls, etc. As a parent I simply LOVED watching them all. day. long.

Merry Christmas

May we all remember the true meaning of Christmas & feel the love of our Savior this season.

christmas traditions

Merry Christmas!

1. Christmas story books under the tree.

2. Watching A Christmas Story a hundred times.


3. Driving around neighborhoods to look at the lights (especially
Christmas Street) while listening to the Forgotten Christmas Carols.

4. Making Gingerbread houses--this year from scratch.


5. Reading Luke 2 with our advent candle each day of the month and
watching Mr. Krueger's Christmas on Christmas Eve.

a look back at Thanksgiving

The last couple of years I've had the privilege of hosting Thanksgiving at my house--an opportunity I welcome and look forward to (however this year was a bit more frantic and somber than usual with the death of Gene's dad). I realized some time ago that out of all the holidays, Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite. The reasons: family, great food, counting blessings, Macy's parade in NYC, the beginning of the Christmas season and, of course, Black Friday!

As much as I love watching my kids open presents on Christmas morning, I have a sort of sadness at the end of that day. Wah--it's over. And Black Friday? Yes. I've been doing this thang since before I had kids--going on 14 years now--and No. We didn't trample anyone to death, so I don't want to hear about commercialism or retailers ruining the spirit of things. If I go I'm feeding the beast, if I don't go I'm not contributing to the economy on a very important, profitable day, so I pay no attention & go for tradition's sake. Felicia and I have plans to go even when we no longer need to buy things just to "people watch".

Thanksgiving company. We put 2 long tables together in the downstairs great room--reminds me of eating at Grandma Wood's as a child. Then we go through the ads and the guys watch football.

Yummy! I can't remember if this was first dinner or second dinner...

My favorite thing about this picture: the giant blue pitcher of gravy. We are a sauuucy family!

bitter-sweet november

Let me preface this, first, by saying that my in-laws are unconventional to say the least, and second, that as a nation, as a culture, I think we are a bit too removed from death. (Click here to read a good article about personalizing funerals.)

On Sunday, November 23rd, four days before Thanksgiving my father-in-law passed away. He had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, but appeared to be improving and I think most of us expected him to return home. However, before church, we received a phone call saying that he was failing rapidly and that we needed to come right away. He passed while we were en route. My husband's siblings & their families quickly gathered around their beloved dad and spent hours reminiscing & comforting one another, finding it hard to leave. Years ago, while the family was gathered in grandma & grandpa's frontroom, we were talking about funerals and such. Someone had asked my father-in-law what he would want & how he would want his funeral to be handled. He said "Just build me a pine box, put me in the back of a pick-up truck and drive me up to Idaho" (where he was born & raised).

So. That's what we did.

Now, like I said it was not your typical funeral, but I will say this: I've never seen a more personal, intimate funeral process in my life. There has to be something said about my father-in-law, Sirren, and the life he lived that so many people would be willing to go to such lengths to grant him his last wish. I will always remember him as the perfect example of patience, humility & spiritual endurance. I'm so thankful that he was a great father to my husband, and that Gene now can pass down many lessons learned from him. We will miss grandpa sorely!

The family gathered in the VA hospital room, just moments after Sirren passed.

I don't know about you, but being surrounded by loved ones is a pretty sweet way to go.

Barbara holding her husband's hand.

After 53 years of marriage I'm not so sure that I could let go either.

Grandpa's "pinebox" in the back of Verle's pickup truck.

One of the requests Sirren had made was to have his "life's road map" etched on the top of his casket. This depicts his journey from Soda Springs, Idaho to his mission, service in the Army, the various places his children were born & various homes they lived in.

The whole family, adults & grandchildren alike, traced their hands and left grandpa messages as well as traced some of the wood crafts that Sirren had made (moon).

The grave side service in Soda Springs. Nicole & Jennifer sang "O Danny Boy" a capella beautifully (I wish I had a recording). Memorial services were held later in the week, back home, in which Gene and some of his siblings gave beautiful talks about their dad.

We'll miss you dad, grandpa!

starting to get a little excited...

Paramore - New Music - More Music Videos

That's right. Twilight comes out this Friday. We (my SIL, nieces, friends and me) already have our tickets for the movie. Actually we bought them months ago, when a friend in my home ward rented out the theater for the show. As the months have dragged on though, I've tried to rein in my excitement "So what. It's only a book, for crying out loud! How can a story about vampires be so intoxicating? Get a grip!"

But with all the coverage on the news (what's totally funny is how bewildered entertainment news shows are about how huge this is) it's inescapable! And so I'm surrendering to it--I'm getting a little bit more excited each day--each hour. And now, I just need to get rid of this stupid cold!

BTW, love this music video!

happy birthday

This week my hubby is turning the big 40! Can you stand it? I can't--I'm right on his heels. Ugh. My mother-in-law tells stories of how sweet & sensitive Gene was as a baby, and how his personality changed the dynamics of the family. Quite a feat for the youngest of seven! He's our favorite guy here (okay, so he's the only guy here, but still). He's such an incredible daddy, hard worker and fun "yellow" person to be around. Happy Birthday honey!

VOTE!

Our Heritage by Norman Rockwell, 1950

Tomorrow is THE big day. I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. I lie awake at night wondering how this is all going to turn out, wondering where we, as a country, are going to be in 5 years...in 1 year. I'm anxious and unsettled.

After months of listening to both sides of debate after debate after debate, and participating in some family debates myself, I've concluded that it simply comes down to one's core beliefs. The back and forth bantering and "he said/she said" attitude is useless and only results in defensiveness. I'm baffled at some of the arguments that I've heard and ask myself WHY do they (liberals) believe that way? I really don't know, but maybe they just need to remember what they already know. Deep inside. I'm not very eloquent at times and tend to get tongue-tied when all my thoughts spill out, so I'm going to let the Founding Fathers speak for me.

• In response to the war & the belief that soldiers are going off to war, dying for nothing:

"Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." ~Benjamin Franklin

• In response to Obama's redistribution plan:

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."

~Thomas Jefferson

• In response to the religion baning, pro-abortion & same-sex marriage arguments:

"Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." ~ John Adams

"We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the power of government, far from it. We have staked the future of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government; upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments."

~James Madison

I remember learning about the part of The Declaration of Independence that says: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness." it originally said "..and the pursuit of land" because our Founding Fathers knew that if man owned land and were free from servitude that they would be happy. However they couldn't agree on the word "land" and changed it to "happiness". So I'll leave you with this last quote by Samuel Adams (whom was kind of spunky and sometimes sarcastic--I like him):

"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." ~Samuel Adams

Please consider your vote tomorrow with thoughtful prayer. Please vote smart! But above all else VOTE! If you're apathetic move to Canada!

p.s. check out my brother's new blog at: http://www.goodpeoplestandup.blogspot.com/ He is extremely well informed, has served in the Army and has a son (my nephew) who is currently serving in the Air Force.

week in review

Halloween this year was a lot of fun, as usual, but as a parent I am so glad that it's over. After a week of carving pumpkins, sewing costumes, conjuring up Halloween themed lessons, attending parties & trudging our way through corn mazes I am wiped out!

All month long my girls were saying that they wanted to be either a fairy or a werewolf (I know--funny extremes), but finally last week Sarah decided that she wanted to be a witch and Emma decided that she wanted to be a ghost. I'm slightly proud of them for wanting to be something "scary" this year as opposed to their usual fairy/princess/cute animal that they've been in years past. And I also liked that they chose costumes that epitomize the holiday. Every time you see a cartoon, editorial or movie there's always at least a witch or a ghost. For the ghost costume we tried the standard *throwing the sheet over the kid* approach. Meh. So I googled some ideas and adopted the *dress form with streamers hanging from the arms* and a hood with 3 holes cut out -look. Much better. Still hard to walk in. Oh well, at least the witch was easy. Morgan simply wore the same costume we've used for all our 2 year old's--a pink poodle (nice and warm so momma doesn't have to worry).

As tradition prevails we have our "trunk or treat" at our church followed by a small parade and refreshments, then raid the neighborhood for goodies and then head over to Gene's brother & SIL's house for more raiding, dinner & a movie. This year we also stopped by my brother & SIL's house so they could see the kids and get some lovin' and goodies. We didn't get home until 10:30 at night and still had to weigh the loot (Sarah got 5 lbs., Emma got 4 lbs. & Morgan got half a pound) and then sacrifice to the Book Witch. It was 11:20 before the kids were asleep. Like I said, I'm beat!

Trick-or-treating with the cousins & running from house to house.

Sarah very pleased with the goods this year.

Emma in half of her ghost costume & trying not to trip, Gene with Morgan & Sarah's friend "Noo noo" that we brought with us in the foreground.

Little miss poodle-baby & daddy (being blinded by the flash)

Jack-0-lantern & zucchini caterpillar. Now THAT'S one way I haven't used my zucchini!

Sarah & her friend, Christina, aka: "Noo noo", back at the cousins' house eating soup (always pumpkin chicken soup, baked potato soup & chili or minestrone soup potluck) and watching Monster House (which I find somewhat disturbing--but that's another post).

------------------

SLEEP OVER

Last weekend my adorable nieces, Chelsea & Lysette, came with us to go through the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point on Friday night. The corn maze is in the shape of American Idol runner up, David Archuleta. One of the fun things about that is they played all his songs over the loud speaker as you weaved your way through the maze. It was a blast! In addition to the maze, the Point had all kinds of things for kids to do: steer roping, tether ball, rubber-duck races, pig races, cow train rides, a princess village playground, haunted monster, puppet story time & hot cocoa to sip by a fire. Oh. my. heck. what. fun! Then Chels & Lysette slept over at our house and, after crepes for breakfast in the morning, took Sarah & Emma (and joined Alyssa) to see High School Musical 3. They had such a good time. I'm so so so grateful that my daughters have such awesome cousins that love them, include them and pamper them, but especially that are such good examples to my girls!

Chelsea & Lysette with Emma & Sarah before the movie.

(incidentally I'll have to get my pics from Lysette of the Point)

FALL PORTRAITS

We plan on enlarging these photos of the girls for our family wall. LOVE this one of Sarah & Emma! Morgan wouldn't cooperate.

Sarah looks great in orange. Here she's leaning off a lamp-post.

Little miss Morgan, before her meltdown, hamming it up for the camera.

Emma looks great in red. We're blowing these up to 8x10 and having Morgan in the middle with Sarah & Emma on either side. I Love them all!

silly family

This past weekend we had our family portrait taken at Murray park. It was a beautiful day, and thankfully there are several pictures that turned out wonderfully to choose from--that we plan on sending out with our Christmas cards and enlarging for the wall in our family room. But for now, and for your entertainment, here are some outtakes...

Gene and I cracking up after trying to look "affectionate"

This is what little miss Morgan thought of getting her picture taken.

Sarah couldn't resist climbing the trees--it made for some great poses.

Gene with his arms full & Emma lovin' on her daddy.

Gene and I trying to pacify Morgan before every one falls apart.

Autumn 2008

things that fascinate me

There are a lot of things that I really enjoy in my life, sometimes on a daily basis. For instance, decorating and interior design--I LOVE walking through a model home, reading a decorating magazine or watching a remodeling show. Also, politics and current events--I LOVE watching the news, watching debates and getting involved in debates with family members over hot topics (my current favorite is the bail out on Wall Street, the housing market & financial crisis--btw, nothing recently has motivated me more to add to my food storage than the rumor of another great depression. The day before the Asian markets opened I took advantage of local case-lot sales--but I digress). Of course, education plays a HUGE daily role in my life and I'm always searching for fun lessons, getting involved in community education groups and thinking outside the box.

However, there are only a few things that, if they cross my path, will stop me in my tracks with the level of fascination I have for them, like watching a train wreck--I can't tear my eyes away no matter what. Namely: panic rooms, hurricanes and, oddly enough, bower birds. Weird assortment, I know. But I can't help myself.

The idea behind panic rooms or safe rooms is to allow you a space, completely undetected from the outside eye or even the blue prints of your house, to escape to in an emergency such as a natural disaster, intruder or just to hide your valuables. Perhaps my fascination began when I was very young and would play the game Clue--I mean who doesn't enjoy the idea of a secret passage way leading to a secret room? Perhaps because it encompasses my other passions of design/decorating (the panic room would have to be pretty as well as functional) and preparation, ie: food storage, emergency mitigation, etc.. Perhaps it began as a teenager. I remember watching Red Dawn--the 1984 movie about a Soviet Union/communist invasion on the United States and how guerrilla high school students had to hide for a while and then fight for our country. For a long time afterward, every now & then, I'd find myself day-dreaming about where I would hide were that to happen right then at that moment. For whatever reason I am fascinated about panic rooms, especially the elite, rich kind full of technical equipment...and lots of food.

One of the reasons I love the fall is that it is also hurricane season. Let me preface by saying I personally have never been in a hurricane--close, while living in North Carolina, but no cigar--and, of course, I don't enjoy seeing people end up homeless, get hurt or killed. But out of all the natural disasters out there the awesome destructive power of a hurricane fascinates me the most (the tornado and earthquake are dang near tied with it). I think it's the fact that among so many things that man can control, we cannot control the weather, and thus are reminded of the "finger of God" and humbled every now and then. Don't email me with rants on man and global warming, yada yada yada. I believe climate is cyclical. I also believe that Heavenly Father can & does control the weather...according to man; or our petitions to him, worthiness, etc. (the drought during the time of Pharaoh and Joseph, the drought ending with the saints paying their tithing). But think of it-- the fierceness and shear speed of the wind & water that it takes to knock homes off their foundation! I love watching the weather channel as the meteorologists track the course of the storm and as communities bunker down and prepare for the storm, how, often times, it brings people back to spirituality and service toward one another.

The Bower bird is a bird after my own heart. This is the cutest and most intriguing thing I've ever seen about the animal kingdom. I remember about 4 years ago seeing an episode of National Geographic about Bower birds and watching in awe as these cute, little, male birds decorated and organized their "love shacks" with various objects to attract a mate. No wonder I'm fascinated by them, there's two of my passions right there--decorating and organizing! I'm amazed that they have such a keen sense of color, I know they depend on the color of their wings to attract, but even so. In the episode I saw years ago David Attenborough moved only one single object to a different spot, while the bird was away, and upon returning the bird noticed it immediately and had to fix it. My type-A self can appreciate that. I just wish my husband was more like a Bower bird. ;) Here's some youtube of a Bower bird.

identity

I can't hold it in any longer--I'm gonna turn "spider monkey" on someone!

After weeks of trying to make sense of all the chaos on Wall Street... in the country... on Main Street, I've finally figured it out: We've lost ourselves. We've forgotten who we are.

While canning peaches, beets and blanching zucchini, I've been listening to Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck talk about the housing crisis and the banking crisis and corrupt Wall Street, and how we've turned the American dream of owning a home from the privilege that it is, into an entitlement. I completely agree! Somehow, no matter how little you make, or how seldom you might be able to make a payment, you deserve a home. And Mr. Stupid Bank, over there, will lend you the money because he wants to be "nice". The suggestion that you may not make enough money to make payments would be discrimination--we can't have that. (eye roll) I've heard the problem is that we, as a society in general, have become too nice and that, perhaps, we need to stop giving every kid on the soft ball team an award, so to speak. Here's my favorite thought on being nice:

"C.S. Lewis praises courage as the virtue that protects all other virtues. That is, it is courage which enables us to be truthful when speaking the truth may be risky; it is courage that backs up loyalty when loyalty is unpopular; it is certainly courage which makes patriotism meaningful in times of danger. By the same logic, I believe it is niceness which can corrupt all the other virtues. Niceness edits the truth, dilutes loyalty, makes a caricature of patriotism, hobbles justice, short-circuits honor, and counterfeits mercy, compassion and love."

(Elouise Bell, BYU today, January 1991)

So much for being nice. This $700 Billion bail out plan is just biding time until after the election (when the nice politicians can stop lying), then things are going to get a lot worse, I predict. And all because we've lost ourselves & panic. PANIC, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophesy--"If Dodge is gonna crash & burn, I'd better get out of Dodge now!" Hello, people! The stock market is a loooooooooong term investment, not a get-rich-quick scheme. The stock market crash of '29 took almost three years to hit rock bottom, and today we are just one or two "events" away from trouble. With the DOW free-falling the way it has been what would happen if we had another Katrina? another terrorist attack? or a political scandal?

But we've forgotten who we are. I was having a conversation with my dear friend, Rosann, a while back about the housing crisis. We found it interesting how many people get their "identity" from their homes, and that when someone else, the Jones' gets a bigger or better home, they too feel the need to upgrade. How did this happen? Personally, I blame the media and/or Hollywood... but only to a degree. Every movie, t.v. show or even commercial is decked out with top quality must have items, and it gives the illusion that these things are, or should be, easily obtained. If you're anybody note worthy. The commercialism simply. never. stops. *CHA-CHING* We buy stuff. Do we really need this much "stuff" (on "credit"-haha) in our lives? Is it really that important--our appearance to others? However, ultimately, we need to own the responsibility of our actions. When did a simple, modest home of basically 4 walls and a roof become not enough? People are trying so hard to get their identity, or fill a void, from their stuff; their homes, that they are foreclosing and losing everything. Including themselves.

So what gives us our identity? Is it our talents? What happens when some body else takes up that talent--maybe even excels at it--do we feel lost, give it up or move onto another one? Do we get identity from our kids? Personally, here's where I have a struggle, because I believe that my children are a reflection of my parenting. I take pride in their accomplishments and our futures are intertwined. Much of my identity is in being a parent. I've never hung my identity on my home though. I like decorating, but our home is a small, modest 30 year old rambler--that I hope to grow old in. But I'm more than a mother, a teacher, a wife, an artist. I was somebody before I had children, before all of that. Then, the other day, it dawned on me--"that's it! I'm a spiritual child of Heavenly Father. THAT is who I am to my core." Who we ALL are--to our very core! We, as a country, just need to remember that. It is exactly It's a Wonderful Life in real life! We are rich when we can love and are loved.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

(Matthew 6: 19-21)

I know society would be a heck of a lot happier if we simply remembered who we are and trusted in God and not man (or bank, or Mr. Bigwig). We are all children of God, and that will never change.

before and after

Gosh, it was what--about 2 years ago? --that I said I would post before and after shots of the remodeling projects of our house? Well, here they are...in part at least. Three rooms for now anyway. And, yes, I could pick apart each and every detail in every "after" shot since I'm never fully done, nor ever fully satisfied (in a my-tastes-change sort of way, not a spoiled-with-more-money-than-I-know-what-to-do-with sort of way. I wish). But regardless of a little trim here and a little touch up there, I think we've come a long way. Bear in mind that we lived in our basement for six months while we worked on the upstairs, and for the better part of a year lived among our construction in the basic elements of shelter, much like a This Old House episode (my favorite show).

That said the *after* effect has been done for, like, 5 years now with exception to the kitchen which was just semi-completed last May! Ugh! But, hey, I'm not willing to go into tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt just to have it be perfect right now at the same time (and thank goodness for that --what with the financial nightmare that lenders and greedy home owners have gotten us into, but that's another. livid. post).

THE FRONT ROOM

BEFORE: what this photo doesn't show is the textured wallpaper on every surface that doesn't have a mirror attached to it, and also the single-paned, cracked window to the left. The lovely carpet was grease stained and pulling up.

AFTER: replaced the ceiling fan with canister lighting, the window, added crown moulding, the wallpaper with paint and, of course, the carpet. (We also replaced the front door and outlined an entry way with wooden floor instead of continuing the carpet, but that's another photo another day.)

THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM

BEFORE: more lovely mirror tiles to the right, and a light-blocking half wall to the left. Maybe they thought black would be slimming?

AFTER: We knocked out the half wall to open the space up to light, replaced the mirror tile look with wainscotting and maple flooring to give it a seaside/Cape Cod sort of look. Also replaced the toilet and sink/cabinet, of course. This photo doesn't show the white framed mirror and glass door medicine cabinet to the left.

And the coupe de grace...

THE KITCHEN (FOR NOW)

BEFORE: Oh where to begin?! Aside from every surface being black & white checkered, there was textured wall paper on one wall and a lovely hand *markered* mural of none other than Winnie the Pooh on the other wall. Yes, in the kitchen. And peach? At least try for a 50's retro look with some true pink or red and chrome. Hideous!

(no offense if any reader out there has this look and likes it. sorry.)

AFTER: It was a long time coming but, we replaced the floor, two cupboards, the dishwasher, painted our butts off and installed hardware! However, there will be future kitchen photos as progress is made, when we get our new kitchen table, etc.

Hope you've enjoyed your tour. :)

Next time: The outside facade, downstairs, and master bedroom

remembrance

My family 1972:

(back row l-r) Don, Dad, Mike (front row l-r) Carla, Mom, Jeff

Twenty five years ago today my Dad & oldest brother, Mike, passed away in a small plane crash. My dad was 41 years old and my brother was only 23 years old. Each year, around this time, I find myself thinking about them; my memories of them and wonder how things would've been different were they still with us. This year I especially miss them for some reason.

The older I get the more I realize that my limited memories of them are inconclusive of the people they really were, and I find myself wishing I knew them better. How would they feel about me as an adult? What would they think of my children? Also, the older I get, the more I rely on and appreciate stories, about them, from those who did know them better & spent more time with them, and I have to trust that they're accurate.

According to my mom, my dad was charming, a talented singer, personable & could talk a drowning man into having a glass of water. According to my uncle, my dad loved his family and had a testimony of the gospel... at one point, but also had a weakness of the flesh & for material things. I've heard stories of the fun things my dad would do; projects he would make, outings to the sand dunes with the boys, and his wonderful taste in all kinds of music. I've also heard stories about how my dad was too hard, too often on my brothers. Even I have a couple memories, from my very young childhood, of my dad losing his temper & spanking me and me left feeling bewildered. Of course I have plenty good memories as well; the two of us watching Saturday morning cartoons, him tickling me, us making crafts together & kissing his moustache when he had to leave or had just got home. To me he was just my dad--the bearer of flocked Christmas trees, the singer of Elvis songs and the builder of snow caves.

My brother was, by all accounts, a very talented pianist. He was musical and artistic and loved beauty. He was sensitive, sometimes too much so. He had a hard life in his short 23 years and made some poor choices that made it even harder. But he loved people and to serve and make friends.

Now that I'm a parent, and realize all too well how easy it is to take my loved ones for granted from time to time, or to occasionally take out my frustrations on them, I'm left to draw only one conclusion about who my dad really was. He was human. Not some super hero or mega-ultra-dad with perfect character traits. Sometimes it's easy to glorify someone when they're gone & no longer in our presence every day to remind us of their flaws. He was human. He gave, but he also took. He sang, but he also yelled. He was selfless, but also selfish....like the rest of us.

So, would things have been better if they were still with us? I don't know. I trust that Heavenly Father knows the answer to that question and that either way He wants us to be happy... on earth and in heaven.